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Where you are…(Round 9).


Where you are…(Round 9)

March 5, 2012

I can still hear Tracy’s voice (my yoga teacher) in my mind. I just could not shake it off just like a song stuck on replay. I was trying to stretch my tight hamstring, when she said.

Where you are is where you want to be.” Bam!

It was all about being at the present or enjoying the moment: in joy and in pain. It framed my mind for tomorrow when I have another chemo session. It will be my ninth on this long road to recovery. So far, I have not lost much hair but my hands have blackened again. I manage to stay even on my weight too. I lose weight during treatment week and gain it back during recovery week.

I find it stale to write about my hardship during treatment week. I consider it now as a normal week for me which include periodic vomits and diarrhea after-shocks. I try to humor my way out, but that too is getting to be a bore. I hate chemo treatments; however, when you put it in perspective: it is where I need to be not where I want to be..

I tried making a game out of holding my vomits just to pass the time away. It reminded me of the movie, The Buck List, wherein Jack Nicholson ate an expensive meal prior to first treatment only to barf it out. Rookie mistake. I have done this so many times that I know how many nicks my toilet has or the scratches in my hospital basin.

But is it where I want to be? I hesitate on this one. The ‘hole’ is not exactly a pleasing place.  Some people would say they would rather have a root canal.  With a tired spirit and heavy heart, I gather myself and convince myself: yes, it is where I want to be.All for a chance to live cancer-free.

Namaste.

P.S.  I have put in 15 miles of running this week. This is on top of the early spinning classes. My longest run was last Saturday, my wife, and we did it at a fast pace. It was exhilarating for me to be out.  I pushed myself and thoroughly enjoyed the freedom, and semblance of normalcy. I love it.

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