Just get me there.
March 1, 2014
Life and death decisions are easy. They are binary. So when the doctor’s tell me I have to do chemo, I reluctantly do it or I die. That’s the way I see things. Of course, others may choose to let go because they do not have something or someone to live for.
There are decisions that are hard because they are personal. Sending my mother home back to the Philippines is one of those hard decisions. She left two weeks ago and the house is not the same: It is quiet. I sent her home because, if anything happens to me, I don’t want her to see the end. I know about mother’s instinct and all that, but I will be helpless to protect her. It is much easier to carry on not worrying about her when the day comes.
I only want good memories for her to remember me. I have plenty to keep me going, more than enough to get me to the next stage: The clinical trials (non-FDA approved drugs or experimental).
I am looking forward to my next appointment at University of Chicago Medicine. The results of my genetic testing from Foundation Medicine are out and it identified one gene called RET that can unlock my cancer mystery. The report also listed trial drugs that maybe appropriate for me. All this is foreign to me, but my doctors are excited. So if they tell me I have to do this and that, that is easy. Just get me to the starting line and I will figure out how I will finish.
At the finish line, I know who will be there: You, my family and of course, mom. It will be a sweet moment I look forward to because it is all worth all these years of struggle.
Cheers.
P.S. My next U of C appointment is on March 12.
Dear Bo. I’m in a Creative Writing course and in the process of writing a poetry using a list of words, I wrote this poem which was inspired by you, the runner.
HOPE
A torn ham on the pavement I sprawl
like leaf I’m in thirst
in search for why you
draft me to not finish.
I reached from my pocket crumpled up linen on hand
Like Braille I touched to find its meaning
“Trust my love and never give up”
a new leash has awakened my very heart.
Love,
Linds
Bo, I had a mutated FLT-3 gene which is implicated in AML. They gave me an experimental drug, Sorafenib, for 5 months (HK record holder for tolerating it that long) and the gene went back to normal. Sorafenib is prescribed for liver cancer, not for AML. But it works!
Try everything! There is no alternative!
You, have given me many happy memories i can always look back to when I am lonely or alone. You have been a good son and your caring attitude and concern i will never forget. I will keep on praying for you and remember your are not alone in your quest for a cure. God will not fail us. Love you very much.