What for?
October 23, 2013
Tomorrow will be my last chemo for this set of regiment. Reaching this far is really tiring. Next year will be my 6th year fighting my cancer.
The story is getting old. I get to the finish line after completing the six-cycle regiment, then we re-stage by perform a scan, and depending on the outcome we do it again–more chemo.
Elite runners or athletes would step away from racing or competing to find their drive again. I sometimes do that when each training run is a slug, a chore, or no longer fun. Chemo is definitely not fun. I wish I can step away from it, but I can’t.
Every morning on most weekdays I am at the gym by 5am either spinning, running, or lifting weights. Lately, I find it hard to get up and be there with passion. What for? I am beginning to have these doubtful thoughts that I am not going to make it no matter how many hours I put in the gym. What for?
There is no rest when fighting cancer. You just have to keep on moving.
Also, tomorrow they will do my blood test again. Do I really want to know what my tumor count is? If it show it is trending down, I do more chemo. If it shows going up, I do more chemo. What for?
Believe me I know my blessings and I am thankful. I am also not Superman and know my limits. Right now, I am tired but has to keep on moving. What for?
I hate cancer.
Cheer.
P.S. Thank you to my college buddies who included me in their small reunion via Skype. It was good to see them. I am also grateful to see another college buddy, StanleyT from Dallas, who treated me, my wife, my mother, and mother-in-law to a wonderful dinner. I am blessed.