Archive for March, 2012

My abnormal world.

March 13, 2012

“Don’t let the is bus pass you, babes.” My wife says to me as we wait for the stoplight to turn green. We were on our way home from dinner and some quiet time.

“What’s the hurry?” I replied.

Everybody seems to be in a rush. They say patience is a virtue. I consider myself patient but not enough to be canonized as a saint. I think you have to work on being patient. The irony is, you have to be patient to work on patience. Ha!

Personally, if there is one thing I learned from my journey is that to be patient. I have been transformed (I even have the ‘transformer’ button that E always press). This is my third time to be treated for cancer in four years. I don’t want to count how many hours I have logged in chemo treatments but all I know they were all long and hard.

I’ve had my moments when I questioned the pain and was on the brink of letting go. Then, I just breathe and take in the moment. This is my abnormal world.

I will be going in the “hole” again tomorrow and it will be my 10th chemo cycle. It feels like another day at the office but this time I know I will have a bad week.  Just bring it on, baby.  I am still standing.  Give it your best shot again.

I use complain about not having enough time but now I make time for what is important: my health and well-being. It is only when I am centered that I am able to help others too.

“So what’s the hurry?”

On the running front, with the help of my wife, I have been building my miles to stay fit and be able to run a half-marathon in May.  Over the weekend, we did 7 miles by the lakefront. It was a beautiful day. I was able to empty my heart out during the last mile and I thoroughly enjoyed the pain from running. Life is good.



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Where you are…(Round 9).

Where you are…(Round 9)

March 5, 2012

I can still hear Tracy’s voice (my yoga teacher) in my mind. I just could not shake it off just like a song stuck on replay. I was trying to stretch my tight hamstring, when she said.

Where you are is where you want to be.” Bam!

It was all about being at the present or enjoying the moment: in joy and in pain. It framed my mind for tomorrow when I have another chemo session. It will be my ninth on this long road to recovery. So far, I have not lost much hair but my hands have blackened again. I manage to stay even on my weight too. I lose weight during treatment week and gain it back during recovery week.

I find it stale to write about my hardship during treatment week. I consider it now as a normal week for me which include periodic vomits and diarrhea after-shocks. I try to humor my way out, but that too is getting to be a bore. I hate chemo treatments; however, when you put it in perspective: it is where I need to be not where I want to be..

I tried making a game out of holding my vomits just to pass the time away. It reminded me of the movie, The Buck List, wherein Jack Nicholson ate an expensive meal prior to first treatment only to barf it out. Rookie mistake. I have done this so many times that I know how many nicks my toilet has or the scratches in my hospital basin.

But is it where I want to be? I hesitate on this one. The ‘hole’ is not exactly a pleasing place.  Some people would say they would rather have a root canal.  With a tired spirit and heavy heart, I gather myself and convince myself: yes, it is where I want to be.All for a chance to live cancer-free.


P.S.  I have put in 15 miles of running this week. This is on top of the early spinning classes. My longest run was last Saturday, my wife, and we did it at a fast pace. It was exhilarating for me to be out.  I pushed myself and thoroughly enjoyed the freedom, and semblance of normalcy. I love it.

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