Earning my day
March 8, 2013
Since my prognosis, I have been back on chemotherapy. So far I have completed three treatment cycles using Avastin and a regiment of three chemo drugs referred to as FOLFOX. That makes four chemo drugs I take each cycle or session.
Among the chemo drugs is Oxalyplatin, a platinum-based drug which, ironically, I am allergic to. Yup, it gives me hives. In 2008, I took this drug as part of a study and ended up in the emergency room. You might have guessed I must be scraping the bottom of the barrel to take something that I am allergic too. Yes, that’s right, Oxalyplatin is my last hope due to the DNA structure of my cancer. Cancer patients most often don’t have many choices when it comes to their treatment and in my case it is a matter of: take it or die. However, to minimize the risk of allergies, I load up on steroids and antihistamine the day before of my treatment. What a life, I hate cancer.
I think I am responding to my treatment; my feet are no longer swollen, my abdomen is relatively smaller, and my tumor count is down. Last week I had a paracentesis done, or removal of fluids from the peritoneal cavity in the abdomen, and they got 1.1 liters of water. These are good signs but I hesitate to be optimistic. My enthusiasm is tempered because I know it is temporary. I know I should be thankful but this is hard for me. The fleeting nature of my predicament is real and in the moment.
Normal people don’t have to do anything so they can have another tomorrow. They are healthy and in all likelihood tomorrow awaits them with open arms. It is a given, until they have a wakeup call. For me, I have to earn each day given to me by having chemo treatments, I bear the pains of its side-effects, and do it all over again…and again until my body can take it.
Once I have earn my day or week, I get busy; I prioritize which task is most important. Not all things are important. Often on top of the list is my family, then perhaps friends, colleagues, etc. and then I think of ways on how to give back or make a difference to them. I had just earn my day or week and I am not going to waste it. After all the sufferings from chemo, each day must have a meaning: that’s how I decide. I often make it simple by calling, texting, email, etc., but the point is I make it a point to acknowledge them to say that they made a difference in my life.
This blog has made my life fuller. It started out as a journal of my marathon adventures, now it is providing you front-row seat to my roller coaster cancer ride. Keep this in mind, earn the day given and spend it with meaning … you are better off than me.
Cheers.
P.S. A family friend, AnnieG, came in from Florida for a visit. She is cooking me lots of my favorites dishes. Thanks, Annie. Another shout out and a big thank you to my dear friend Mary AnnG from Connecticut for giving me my own DVD copy of Downton Abbey. Double cheers.
I checked the oxiplatin out. What a nasty drug in terms of side effects! I hope you don’t get all of those.
Bo, you have always been and continue to be an inspiration for all of us. Life is always a gamble, none of us really know how long we have. But it’s incredibly cruel and unfair when a medical professional tells us there’s a time limit. The way you are dealing with this is something that we could all learn from. In class I encourage everyone to feel each breath, live in the moment. I doubt many do, except of course for you. I know how much you are treasuring each and every breath. It’s a lesson most of usl learn a little too late. Please know that you have changed my life. Relatively speaking I don’t even know you that well, but you are an amazing spirit, and your light shines brighter than most folks I know. I so appreciate the time you’ve spent in my classes for you share that light with everyone…whether you realize it or not. Blessings to you my dear enlightened soul for you are rich in love and kindness and wisdom…..
Namaste,
Tracy
Thanks for the kind words. Your spirit fills my restless soul and give me energy to carry on. Namaste…Bo.
Bo, you have made a positive difference in so many lives, in my own life you helped me more than you probably realize, you are my rock that helped me make it through the tough times at work…I was the new kid on the block (just recently hired on as a full time employee) starting at a very large company with really no idea of what I should be doing…(like a duck on water calm on the top but paddling like crazy underneath) and you gave me guidance and support. I would not have made it at if it was not for you jumping in to take the lead withmy projects and give me the insight to the technical teams and advice on how to best engage them for the work and design the best approach to get the job done…you did this so effortlessly and without bruising any of our feelings you simply just made us a stronger team. That is what I take with me to this day…passing along to all the teams I build that same style of not bruising feelings, listening and sharing words of encouragement and subtle directions to make our lives better and to do what is best for all of the family/team not just the individual but for the greater of the family/team. You have a peaceful inner strength that I would call upon many, many times and each time you helped me and picked me up and gave me direction and advice, without your help I would not be in the place I am now….(not sure if I should be thanking you here or not …lol…) but I know for sure that after 16 years at the company ….I would not have made it this long working for such a demanding company if it was not for those early years and your sage advice, calming demeanor and positive attitude…I would not be able to live the life I have enjoyed all these years. Your are the big brother I never had…(5 sisters and no brothers…) and I thank you for being that big brother to me and sharing your time and your guidance along the way. We know how a positive attitude and strong faith can work miracles and you have both of these and more and you always have mine as well. I love you bro, continue to be strong and continue to be well.
Chris, that was an eye-opening comment. I am glad I have made an impact on your life and I hope you continue the good work you do as well. I will continue to stay strong and not disappoint you. Bo.
Bo I am sure mine is 1 of thousands of people you have helped along the way..just like in the movie …Its a Wonderful Life….you have changed/helped more people then you realize and you continue today to help change the lives of many…each person we meet is an opportunity to help and you have done an amazing job of transforming lives and helping people ….more than you know….for that I am so sure….just like with me ..what you have done and what you will continue to do is help others more than you know just from being you….let me say that again…..just from being YOU. Thank YOU Bo. We love you and want only the best for you and whatever you need we will be there for you. No worries my friend we are here for you. All is goodness. Thank you Bo.
Bo,
I know I should be encouraging you through this, but you have encouraged me. The strength and love you and Irish display is beyond amazing. When you said “earn the day given and spend it with meaning” those words spoke volumes to me. Praying for you both daily. Thank you for being you!