Gone Fishing: I wish

Gone fishing: I wish.

May 19, 2013

 ishing is one of those sports that lets you commune with nature.  I never got “hook” on it (get it, hook).  Probably because I would not know where to start e.g. lure, pole, fishing place, etc., but man has been fishing since the time of Christ.  The apostles were fishermen.

Recently, my former director, BobP, came for a visit on his way to Wisconsin for some serious fishing.  He and his friends have been going to Wisconsin for more than 20 years.  Bob says it is the spawning season of white bass so they catch a lot of them.  They rent a small cabin and a boat, then fish in the morning and afternoon.  Since he has been doing this for a while with his buddies he has lots of stories.  We laugh, caught up with other friends and colleagues, and bonded.  That is what’s all about.

Before he retired, I did not know he was an avid fisherman.  All I know is I dread being on conference calls with Bob because he asks intimidating questions, which brings out the best in me.  You got to be on top of your game with Bob because he expects no less.  I have to thank him for improving my writing too.  I have seen him red-line audit reports that would obliterate the weak of hearts.  He has a huge impact on me and I am still overwhelmed he took time to visit.  Now, he is making me think about learning to fish–perhaps with Ethan.  Yeah!

My mentor Bob and I

Where you are is where you want to be.

I did 4 miles of running yesterday.  It is not exactly marathon pace but it was my first time to hit the trails.  I just want to be out there.  It surreal to go through the motion of preparing for a run.  I had to dig out my GPS watch, compression socks, hat, and dry-fit tees, which hasn’t been touch since the Berlin marathon last year.

Oh how my legs complained from the effort but I did not stop.  I started slow until I got into a comfortable pace (14 minute-mile) and muscle memory took over.  Runners and bikers were passing me but I was in my own world; a place where I want to be.  That phrase stuck in my mind throughout my run: Where you are is where i you want to be.  Tracy (my yoga teacher) said that during class as she instructed the class to bend forward and touch our toes.  It was difficult since my body was stiff from all the inactivity and treatments I got.  It does not matter, she said, if you can’t touch your toes, where it stops is where you want to be.

I returned to the familiar trails of the lakefront because that is were I want to be.  In the same context, no matter how I hate it, this Tuesday I will have my chemo again.  I want to be there for many reasons.  It is not about the choice; it is about where I want to be, not where I have to be.  It is a place in your mind where you are at peace.  Find it and go because that is where you want to be.

Cheers.

The women in my life

The women in my life.

May 13, 2013

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  So I started my day with a phone call to my mom.  She is in Manila right now but will be coming to the US for a visit.  I am so lucky that I still have my mom around for she has been a guiding force in my life and while I was growing up.

Being first born I was dotted upon by my mother.  At times, she still does it once in a while like promising to cook my favorite dish when I come for a visit.  Lately, she has this thing about never ending mass offerings for my continued health.  I always make a joke that my name has been called so often during prayer offerings at her church that I deserve to be cannonized or at least a statue.  One time I attended mass at her church and it seems half the church knows my name and my cancer story, and I don’t even know them.

She has tremendous faith and when I took a turn early this year, I could not bear to disappoint her nor tell her.  More so, I carried this guilt that I will not be able to see her and do proper goodbyes, if ever.  I was more worried about her when things are left unfinished.  But now, I am on the road to recovery again and Mother’s Day to me has a different meaning.  

 I often said that each day is a gift and should be appreciated; Mother’s Day or not.  Important relationships should be renewed with righteous meaning.  If you look at it each day is unique and brings unique opportunities.  I am not the same person last Mother’s Day too.  Last year is gone and even yesterday, a memory.  What is important is now, you, me, and this moment.

Aside from my mother, I should pay tribute to another strong woman in my life, my wife.  I am in awe how my wife has managed to keep my family together, balance her nursing career, and satisfy my needy medical needs.  I must admit I am not an easy person to get along with when I have my moments.  Chemo treatments does not make it easy when I am totally stubborn and insensitive.  But she sees beyond this, she would come home from work with vivid stories of patients far more advance with their cancers or patients who have neglected themselves or by others.  Sort of telling me that I am blessed in my current predicament.  I am blessed.  I am surrounded by strong women who looks after me.

 I even have strong women-friends who can beat the sh*t out of me.  Yeah, you know who you are…hehe.  

 On chemo treatments.

So I am back doing chemo treatments again.  I started up again last Tuesday.  Somehow, chemo has become part of my lifestyle along with all its side-effects.  I no longer complaint about it but have come to accept the necessary inconvenience it causes.  Some people hate traffic congestions and other pet peeves; mine is I hate chemo the most.  In the past, I tried to demonize it hoping it will go away but it didn’t.  Now, I just look at it as my new normal or part of my life.  Why make it any bigger than what it is already; just accept it and move on, right?

 Cheers.

P.S.  Thanks to my friend MikeE who sent me training materials on Python in DVD.  Have you ever tried studying when your brain is soaked with chemo; not good.

PET scan results

PET scan results

April 30, 2013

he news of the result of my PET scan was quick.  Two hours after I have left the hospital, Dr. B called the house and left a message.  Dr. B is the head radiologist at the hospital, and he and I got to know each other well (see related post on August 22, 2012, “A different kind of relationship: the results“).

We don’t play golf or anything, but our bond was established by the news he gives me: whether good news or bad news, he personally calls me.  I called him back:

“Hi Dr. B.  It is Bo.”  After the pleasantries he gets to the point.  He had an optimistic tone in his voice and like many times before he choose his words carefully.

“The results showed stable or smaller multiple pulmonary (lungs) metastases with interval decrease (of tumors) in the previously borderline metabolic activity (when compared to previous scan).”

It means I made progress in stabilizing or shrinking the tumors in my lungs.  Thank you.  It also means, more work (chemo) ahead of me.  The scan also picked up my ascites but he ruled out carcinomatosis or peritoneal metastases, which gave me the poor prognosis last January.  Dr. B suggested for me to see a Hepatologist for the ascites: Great more doctors.

May 2, 2013

at my Oncologist office

“So what’s the plan, doc?” I asked anxiously.  My wife and I were to the discuss the results of my scan and my treatment plan.  However, in the back of my mind I know what he is going to say: more chemo.  There is really no choice with this disease.  I need chemo to keep me alive, like plants need water to survive.

He tells me that he plans to give me a break first before starting up.  That’s a relief but then I tell him of my June travel plans.  He then tells me that I should do two or three cycles of chemo before traveling and that we should start it soon.  Oh, well.  You got to put in the work first before you can enjoy, which is how my life works, and should work for us too.  Back to work for me.

Cheers.

P.S. I start chemo again on Tuesday, May 7.

#def finance = value

#def finance = value

April 29, 2013

ou might be wondering the peculiar way I stated the title “def finance=value”.  I have been taking an introductory online course on Python coding.  I am taking it at Coursera.  Ok, let me explain.

Coursera is among the massive open online courses (MOOC) offered out in the web.  MOOCs are different from other online courses: they are interactive, course materials are delivered via the web, and are mostly delivered by professors in prestigious universities.  My course is taught by four professors from Rice University.  Oh, by the way, did I mentioned that courses are free. There are many MOOCs out there, I just prefer Coursera.

Python?  It is not a snake.  It is a programming language or computer language used to create computer programs.  There are many programming language out there, but Python is the most common or preferred way create a programs by software developers/engineers.  It is named after the 70′s British television comedy sketch, Mothy Python.  Bear with me for a moment.

I also enrolled in a course on Introductory Finance, taught by a nerdy professor from University of Michigan.  So what’s with the sudden renaissance for knowledge?  For one, it will more than satisfy the continued educational requirements at work, and the other it feeds my curiosity (it is also a way to shake off the cobweb in my chemo-soaked brain).  I am curious about big data, a current buzz word today.  I needed a stronger way to parse through massive amounts of data beyond what Excel can give me, thus Python.  I am an auditor, exposed to finance, and believe in strong basic foundation, thus the Finance course.

To the point: I have come to realize that finance, data, and life are inter-related.  The world of finance is not limited to Wall Street; finance is about valuation.  Finance = value: The value we put on important things e.g. ladies purse,  money, time, car, education or life.  There is data behind the valuation on each of things we value and it differs among us.  Many would put value or put importance in having education (to succeed) or car (to go around), while others do not.  Aware or not, we have assigned certain metric to the value of things important to us and we live by them.  It constantly change as we mature or experience an awakening event, like cancer.

You have followed me as my life was touched by cancer.  It changed my outlook in life; its valuation.  I put a high premium on each borrowed day given to me because I was close to facing death and will never out run this disease.  I know how to read the data and its value.  I could quit my job, not study, or stop blogging my experience, but instead I chose to continue and make the best of my current situation.  They are also valuable activities for me because data shows that I am able to make a difference in you: I inspire you to change your valuation of life.

Additionally, I put more value in relationships rather than things.  Relationships are more lasting and can transcends life itself.  It is possible to remember somebody who have passed based on the relationship we had with them.  I like that.   So put more value in relationships; they keep.

Cheers.

P.S. Tomorrow, April 30, is my PET scan to re-stage my cancer.  I have been through this before.  It gives you hope that you have survived this round with cancer, but it does not mean you are cured.  Nonetheless, I am hoping for a clean scan.

E’s World: It’s my birthday

E’s World: It’s my birthday

April 24, 2013

It’s my birthday tomorrow.  Woohoo.  I made it to two-years old with minor bruises.  It’s my birthday…it’s my birthday…it’s my birthday.  They are going to throw a party for me this weekend and I am all excited… because of the gifts.  Hehe.

It is all about the gifts, ya kno.  The party will be at Chuckee Cheese and you are all invited.  Just make sure you bring gift.  Ha!  My mom tells me I am growing fast.  I am not sure about that because she gets mad if I pee without telling her.  Freedom!

Ampa (my grandfather aka Bo) is doing fine and is getting strong.  I know, because he is able to keep up with me in my little trike.  He gets a kick out of it when I show him new tricks that I have learned; whether dancing to “Gangnam Style” or mimicking his action.  He is so easy to please.

Hey, have you notice the spread of baby ads in TV and the web.  There’s the Kia Space babies, eTrade babies, Pepsi Next babies, and lately Evian babies, which is the bomb.  Why can’t I get a gig like them, bro?  Maybe that’s why my party is going to be held at Chuckee Cheese!

Here is the latest viral video circulating.  Enjoy.

 

Boston Marathon: Unity Shattered

Boston Marathon: Unity Shattered

April 16, 2013

he editorial of the New York Times wrote “a marathon is the most unifying of sporting event.”  Yesterday, it was shattered by an explosive that took away the life of three people and maimed several others.  Such a despicable act.

I had dreams of running Boston.  It is the marathon of marathons that every serious runner dream about  Because of my medical condition, I have accepted the fact I will not be running Boston but have considered going there to watch the event.  Boston is one of the five major marathon that my wife and I was trying to complete.  We did Chicago and Berlin, have guaranteed entries to NYC for 2014, then there’s Boston and London.  It will have to wait.

We had friends reaching out to say they were glad we were not at Boston, since we are avid runners.  I too am glad I was not there but sad such a tragic event would change how future marathons are held.  I mourn for the casualties of yesterdays event and shattered unity that brings a city, runners, and family together.

From here on the unifying spirit of marathons would be referred to pre-Boston, much like the birth of a new word called pre-911.  Why?

Cheers.

Drip…Drip…Drip.

 

Drip…Drip…Drip.

April 14, 2013

ast Thursday, April 11, I had my abdomen drained again of fluids.  They took out another 2.1 liters, that’s a total of 12.7 liters since February 1st.  I really must stop drinking water (joke).

Somebody had asked me once, how do they do they drain the fluids (or do the paracentesis)?  Well I tell ‘ya.  First, using an ultra scan they search my abdomen for pockets of water concentrated in one area.  In my case, they normally find this pocket below the belly button line and right of it, near the appendix area.

The doctor would then marks the spot, sterilize the area, and inject local anesthesia.  Once the area is numbed, a small incision is made and then a long needle is inserted to puncture the peritoneal cavity.  Once the cavity is accessed the end of the probe is attached to a vacuum pump which sucks the fluids into a container.

There’s nothing to do but keep still while the container gets filled.  Sometimes the doctor would ask you to move so the fluids would find the needle.  After it is done, there is relief and lightness from carrying that much extra fluids in the body.  Ahhh….

Suction pump and container for fluids

What is causing the build up still gives me concern.  My doctors are aware of my periodic fluid drains but I know they are more focused on my cancer treatments.  As long as the fluids does not indicate malignancy or show blood in the drainage, I am ok.

Last chemo.

Tuesday, April 16, will be my last chemo to complete the six-cycle regiment.  Completing this six cycle has been most challenging.  It is also the most stressful because of my allergic reaction to the chemo drug Oxalyplatin.  I wish I had a choice of not taking it but I don’t.  That’s one thing about living with cancer, your choices are limited.  I am use to it and have accepted that fact.  It has given me a different perspective in life and gave a full appreciation of what I have.

My laughter is fuller and each encounter with friends and family are more endearing.  I am grateful for the gifts of love, intelligence, and wisdom.  I will continue my journey ready to embrace all the challenges that come my way.  Just bring it on…

Cheers.